


will you hold me or will you let go?

by LightRen



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Original Trilogy, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Character Death, Darth Maul Dies, Darth Maul Has His Lower Half, Darth Maul Needs a Hug, How Do I Tag, Hurt Obi-Wan Kenobi, I Ship It, I'm Sorry, M/M, Major Character Injury, Not Beta Read, Obi-Wan Kenobi Needs a Break, Obi-Wan Kenobi Needs a Hug, Obi-Wan Kenobi is a Mess, Obi-Wan Kenobi on Tatooine, Panic Attacks, References to Depression, Sad, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-28
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:54:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28375767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LightRen/pseuds/LightRen
Summary: “your eyes, they have changed my friend.” Maul did not reply for a moment, he simply stared right back. “yours have not changed in the slightest.”set a couple of days after episode III
Relationships: Obi-Wan Kenobi/Darth Maul
Comments: 5
Kudos: 30





	will you hold me or will you let go?

**Author's Note:**

> i’m sorry in advance for this :D
> 
> im a maul apologist and i will never shut up about how he deserved better.
> 
> this work is unbeta’d

the man once known as the insidious Darth Maul sat down and gave the Jedi his saberstaff “I am sorry” he whispered. Owen looked at Obi Wan and then at Maul. The old man had a look of absolute grief on his face, one that Owen had only seen after the death of Satiné. Maul let out a humourless laugh “do it.” The gun was shaking in his hand. “we aren’t so different you and i.” the Jedi whispered, this seems to startle the other man “are you not a Jedi and i a Sith?” Obi wan pondered this for a moment, he looked as if he would say something further but shook his head. “Owen.”  
Owen looked away from Maul and into Obi Wans eyes, he furrowed his brow at the conflicted and guilt ridden look on the Jedi’s face, “S-sir?” Obi Wan took a deep breath and then “you will go back to your hut and check on Luke and your fiancé. you will forget everything that has transpired here.” Owen blinked for a moment and then his face became startlingly neutral, “i will go back to my hut and check on Luke and my fiancé... i will forget all that has transpired here” 

——

once the man had entered his homestead Obi Wan turned back to Maul, the man had a shit eating grin on his face.  
“what!?”  
“that was awfully Sith of you Kenobi.”  
“oh do shut up, it’s not like i killed him.”  
he cast his eyes to the floor, he saw the Sith do the same.  
“I think you may be right master Kenobi” obi wan looked up, “I have told you this many times over the years.” Maul let out a real laugh at this, it was throaty and full of grief and it made Obi Wans breath stop. “you have taught me much” Obi Wans hands were shaking “Obi Wan” he froze, for Maul had not once used his real name, there was a plea in his voice and Obi Wan couldn’t resist looking him in the eyes. Maul smiled and it was a sad thing, it was a misused smile with years of self loathing etched into the very creases around his mouth, years of anger and loneliness. it was clear to Obi Wan now, through this mans eyes he saw a child, a child no older than he, a child taken, a child abused, one forgotten by his tribe, cast away and yearning for affection, Obi Wan saw himself in those eyes. “we aren’t so different you and i.” he blinked and the spell was broken, no longer were they children, they were men burdened by someone else’s war, pain and loneliness mirrored on both of their faces, tired lines around their eyes that would never go away. “your eyes, they have changed my friend.” Maul did not reply for a moment, he simply stared right back. “yours have not changed in the slightest.” 

When the gun fired Obi Wan didn’t hear it, when Mauls eyes went blank and death coiled around his body Obi Wan sat. he sat near the man that had only ever brought him pain. he sat and he watched as the Siths once deceitful yellow eyes drained of all emotion, as the honeyed brown that they now shone turned glass like, as the mans entire body went still and his hand stopped reaching for purchase. He simply sat for what seemed like an eternity and admired him, his face that had never looked so relaxed, Obi Wan realised that he was fascinating, the way his nose sloped slightly and his jaw cut sharply, how his lips curved and how is face worked together in a way that kept him staring, that kept him waiting for the man to make a witty remark or open his eyes and yell at him, to summon his saberstaff and attack him, he willed Maul to do anything, he didn’t care what, anything but lie as he was, anything he willed silently, just open your heart and let me in, just come back, don’t leave, not you too.

“your tricks only work on the weak minded, general.”

Obi Wan turned and saw Owens face, he stared at him, stared at the pistol in his hand, the hand that had fired the bullet that implanted itself in Mauls back, that had taken the life of the only man left who had truly known Obi Wans heart, he stared and he didn’t feel, he couldn’t, he had made a promise to Padmé, she had died and he had a responsibility, he couldn’t look at Maul anymore, just as he couldn’t look at Anakin, just as he couldn’t look at Satiné, just as he couldn’t look at Qui Gon. he couldn’t let the rage, the anger, the pain take over, it was not the Jedi way. 

So as he stood, he did not meet Owens eyes, he would not tarnish his memory of the soulful and strikingly beautiful brown eyes of the Sith laying before him. No, Owens eyes did not deserve a place in his mind, his eyes were dirty with inflicted grief and he wouldn’t gaze upon them. They didn’t deserve a place in his mind, but the broken lifeless ones of those he loved did, he was assembling quite the collection, each pair as heart shattering as the last. Obi Wan turned his back and for a moment he almost wished Owen would shoot him there just as he had shot his counterpart but then the numbness retook his body, it flowed through his bones and took root in his mind, emptied it and caressed the darkest parts, willing them to go in peace.

Obi Wan walked away. he couldn’t bring himself to look back. Every step he took away from Maul felt as though he was being weighed down, it felt as though his heart was attached to the other mans, bound with hatred, loathing, compassion and admiration, somewhere in his mind he cried out, he berated himself tirelessly, “Stop.” “Please stop, go back, you can’t leave him there.” He didn’t listen, the numbness comforted him, rocked his conscience with a motherly embrace. He kept walking. 

Obi Wan walked away and for the first time in his life he didn’t know where he was going.


End file.
